


Pigfish

by Ayesha_Altugle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Coping, Depression, F/M, Fear, Honeymoon, Hope, Love, Marriage, Non-Canon Relationship, Sad, Sadness, Stress Relief, Wedding Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayesha_Altugle/pseuds/Ayesha_Altugle
Summary: Luna and Neville have not been intimate, vowing to wait until they're married. However, Luna fears the wedding night; she has to confess something she believes will upset him or even make him leave. Deep down she knows he is not the type who would leave her over something she can't change.





	Pigfish

**Author's Note:**

> Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition over on ffdotnet. My team is the Wimbourne Wasps! Round 1- Never have I ever, CHASER 2: Write a setting you have never written before. Optional: Use 3 prompts. (I'm using (dialogue) "Your silence scares me." (Word) Divorce, and (Word) pigfish.)

Luna brushed her long blonde hair out of her eyes, looking toward the bathroom door where the sound of her new husband could be heard singing happily. Her heart pounded loudly and painfully; she feared Neville could hear it from the bathroom. She trembled, laying down on the bed, her eyes darting around the small, comfortable hotel room. She got under the covers but did not like how scratchy they felt, so she threw them off and jumped up. She was feeling much too anxious to rest and relax.

Why had she let things get this far? Luna knew it was her fault. She should have told Neville when they first started to date, but even then she feared he would leave her. She had no desire whatsoever to go through with consummation. That did not mean she loved Neville any less. A tear slid down her cheek. She hated this situation she had been put in. It was either confess her feelings to him or let… this happen, and feel forever violated.

"No, Luna, don't do this," she said to herself. "You love Neville, you will do whatever he wants so he doesn't get angry, or-" A half-sob escaped her throat. She could try to convince herself, but it wasn't working. She had never been a good liar.

 _He won't leave me, he won't! It is ridiculous to think Neville would divorce me over this..._ _If I don't tell him, if I let him… if I let him touch me, I can pretend that I like it, can't I?_ Her thoughts were scattered and erratic. She couldn't catch a proper breath. She tried to drink a bit of water, but couldn't make herself swallow it, instead spitting it out into a nearby potted plant.

"But I don't want to." Luna set back on the bed, hanging her head down.

Why did everyone think sex was such a big deal? She even had to spend hours with Ginny and Hermione as they took her shopping for the perfect wedding night lingerie. She was wearing it now. It was red, lacy and see-through. It left nothing to the imagination and of course, that was the point.

It hurt. It actually hurt. Where the garment touched her skin, it burned. Luna was shocked her skin stayed so pale when it felt like it should be raised in red, angry hives. She wanted to tear it off and scratch her body to get rid of the feeling it gave her.

Neville was still in the bathroom. She could hear the shower running, the only noise in the room. Luna had already taken hers. She counted her blessings he hadn't suggested they take one together.

Thirty minutes later when Neville came out of the bathroom, Luna looked at him with wide eyes, not because she was embarrassed by his almost naked body, but because she was terrified. He did have a nice body, all things considered, though Luna couldn't make herself feel drawn to it in the way he probably desired.

"I'm finished," Neville said with a bright smile. The lights in the room were dimmed, so he had not yet noticed the expression on her face. He walked over to the bed and set down next to her. "Did you miss me?" He leaned toward her and kissed her bare shoulder.

Luna flinched, moving so fast that she nearly fell off the bed. "Neville!" She tried to put on a false cheery voice. It was a defense mechanism she had been using ever since she first witnessed her mother's death. If she acted weird and happy, people would not be burdened with how sad she felt deep down inside. People assumed she didn't notice them teasing her, didn't notice them calling her "Loony," but of course she did, still she couldn't stop her behavior. It was just her personality now, and people could take it or leave it.

"Are you okay?" Neville reached out to place a hand on her arm, but again, she flinched. He pulled back. "What's wrong, Luna?" She refused to look at him and did not answer.

"Luna, sweetheart?"

She finally glanced at him. Everything she wanted to say swirled through her mind and she hated that she couldn't come right out and tell him the truth.

"Baby, your silence scares me." He noticed her chest constricting, and how red and splotchy her skin was. He could care less for her naked body beneath the see-through outfit she wore. All his thoughts were on her and doing anything he could to help relax and calm her.

 _Pigfish, pigfish, pigfish,_ Luna chanted in her head. It was something she did when she felt scared, depressed or anxious. Her dad suggested it once when she was a little girl. It was after her mother died and she was distraught. Sometimes it helped and sometimes it did not. This was one of the times it utterly failed

"Luna, speak to me."

"I-I can't," Luna said. "I'm afraid."

"Oh… oh?" Neville smiled at her. "Because we're both virgins? It won't hurt, we can even use a spell to make sure the first time goes smoothly. Harry told me about-"

She shook her head. "No, that isn't what I mean."

"Then tell me. I hate that you're scared of me." He wanted to hug her but didn't. She looked like a rabbit getting ready to bolt.

_Pigfish, pig, piggy, fish, shut up Luna, stop, stop stop! Just tell him!_

"Would you leave me if there was something I could not provide you?" She asked quietly.

"Never! You provide me with everything I need."

"Okay." Luna put her hands on her lap. "Don't be mad." She swallowed. "I love you with all my heart, so please don't be offended when I say I-I'm not sexually attracted to you!" Sobs racked her body; her lacy bra slipped, exposing her shoulder.

"Do you mean asexual? I don't pretend to understand everything about it, but Luna, my darling that's completely fine! It's rubbish to believe we need sex to feel satisfied. It doesn't hit my ego that you're not attracted to my body." He got off the bed and moved away from her. He understood why she was scared and he did not want to make things worse. "I won't touch you if you don't want me to. I'll never, ever force you beyond your comfort point."

"I thought-" She shook her head. "Never mind. I was wrong." She wiped away her tears and smiled at him, though her heart still pounded. It was hard to just let her fear go. "Neville, please hold me. I'll explain the things I'm comfortable with." The kissing, cuddling and the sugary sweet romance and just being with him made her happy.

"I love you, Neville."

"I love you, too, my beautiful dragonfly." Luna giggled. She loved the nickname he had come up with for her.

Neville walked over to the bedside table, picked up his wand and pointed it at her. He transfigured her lingerie into comfortable flannel pajamas. Luna sighed. The itching, burning, and pain faded from her body. She no longer felt like she needed to chant things over and over again.

This time when he set on the bed and reached for her, she leaned into the touch. He held her, brushing his fingers through her hair.

"Christmas is soon," Neville whispered. "What shall we do?"

"I don't care as long as we skip the mistletoe." Luna was overjoyed that they were just laying in bed, cuddling and talking about simple, everyday things.

"Why…?"

"Nargles, of course!"

They burst into laughter. Luna felt calmer than she had all day, and was glad to not have to say pigfish anymore, at least for today.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this comes across realistically, considering I am asexual.
> 
> Beta'd by my team captain DaughteroftheOneTrueKing on ffdotnet! Thanks a lot Hope :)


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